First, you needto plan ahead to talk about money with all the major players in your life, your fiancé, your parents, and your fiancé’s parents who might be paying for a portion of your wedding. Why plan ahead? Money can be a contentious topic for many to discuss. “Next to sex, money is the biggest generator of problems, arguments, and resentment in long-term relationships,” warns Tina Tessina, Ph.D., a psychotherapist and author of How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free (New Pages Books, 2002). “People attach a lot of emotional and symbolic significance to money, so it’s easy to become stressed and argue about it.”

To avoid arguments, give the involved parties fair warning that you want to talk money in the very near future. Call to let them know that you’re trying to get a sense of your wedding budget, and you can’t do that without knowing upfront what their financial contributions to your wedding might be if any. Then set a date to have that discussion, even if it has to be a long-distance conversation done over the phone.